Accepting Community

I am sitting here thinking how I can’t believe this internship is about to come to a close, how working two jobs has made this the fastest summer of my life.  Each time I finish a season, I try to reflect on what I learned, what was valuable about that time & what I discovered about myself.  I feel like as I continue to “grow up”, it seems I need to learn the same things over and over again.  This summer, my supervisor here at KCB gave me the charge of planning Bella Art Fest 2012.  I was slightly terrified, but decided to be optimistic and hit the ground running.  Bella is this Saturday August 4th—we’ve held volunteer meetings, purchased supplies, created layouts and rounded up volunteers, artists and musicians in a frenzy to pull this thing off, and here we are two days away! In the craziness of sending what feels like a thousand emails a day, getting excited, disappointed, stressed out, and calmed down, what I’ve learned is that it is really difficult for me to ask for help.  I think at my deepest point, my truest self, I believe that I am Superwoman.  Even though I know how much I need to rely on others and rely on Jesus, the simple humility of needing help is difficult for me to accept.  I want to have it all together, to be the capable one, to be excellent at everything I take on (can you tell I’m a firstborn yet?)  But what happens when I seek to do everything myself is emotional breakdowns, fear of failure, and distance from Jesus.  I think this summer it “clicked” for me, that if I want to be involved in Kingdom work, I need to accept and understand partnership.  I need to not just say that I need others, but get really comfortable in the position of needing others, and work on identifying the places where I lack in order to accept help, to accept community. 

Written by: Michelle Roberts